I just can't be at home anymore. Being near her is making me psychotic.

And anxious.

And depressed.

I don't control any aspect of my life when I'm with her, she has to control everything. And then to feel like I'm in control of something, I cut.

Fuck, all my razors are at school..

Looking at this again is reminding me how many issues I used to have. They went away for a year, but now I'm back to where I started.

My relationship with my mother is shit again.

And I want to die.

Isn't life grand?

Why

Why did I have to find this damned thing again. It's just bringing back old memories and old feelings.

Things better left forgotten.

Drudging up the times that I had hoped to never think about again.

Happy New Year.

Well this year has started off amazingly. *Heavy sarcasm noted*


I'm going to a shrink.
I got turned down by they guy I've liked forever.
And everything is wrong.

Yup. This has the makings of a great year.

Happy New Year, People.

Fences

If you let me I could,
I'd show you how to build your fences,
Set restrictions, separate from the world.
The constant battle that you hate to fight,
Just blame the limelight.

Don't look up
Just let them think
There's no place else
You'd rather be.

And now you can't turn back
Because this road is all you'll ever have.

And it's obvious that you're dying, dying.
Just living proof that the camera's lying.
And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night.
So smile.

Yeah, yeah you're asking for it
With every breath that you breathe in
Just breathe it in.
Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess
You do all this big talk, yeah..
So now let's see you walk it.
I said let's see you walk it.

Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess
You do all this big talk, yeah.
So now let's see you walk it.
I said let's see you walk it.

Out

Its all finally out in the open.

So...

So mom, why can't you see that this is a problem? Hiding and pretending it isn't happening won't change facts. In fact, it will just make everything worst. And things are already bad.... You're just making a bad thing worst.

Just admit it. I need help. I know it. You know it. Hell, everyone at school knows it. If you could just admit it and help me I might be able to get better.

So swallow your pride and I hope you realize soon that you can't keep pretending that I'm the perfect daughter that you want me to be.