It's all his fault

So, I was talking to him and I decided I must know if he likes someone or not. Or if he would even answer me. He said that he didn't like anyone and then asked me if I like anyone.
I wanted to shout, "YES! I LIKE YOU!"
But I couldn't. It's just not how I am. I couldn't even ask him to the fucking homecoming dance. Fuck this. Me and my damn fear of rejection. That would be basically all I'm afraid of. Being hurt by someone I love. Being rejected my someone whom I want to love me.
That't probably why I lied and said I liked someone else. The guy that I've liked forever but nothing has ever happened because of it. Go figure. And he even knew that I liked him. He's mentioned it to me when we've talked.
But, I'd never end up with him. We hang out with two totally different groups of people in school. It probably could never work out, as much as I'd like it too.
However, I've finally moved on. But, I'm so afraid of being rejected by him that nothing will probably ever happen.
Too bad.
I wish something would.
Because I like him a lot more then I had originally planned. Now, I'm probably going to go and get my heart broken.

Dear Fucking Asshole.

Dear You,

I seriously can't believe how you're fucking acting. Which is like a god damn fucking child! Really? Grow up. Right now, no one want to be around you. And quite a few people would like to see you dead. Like actually be murdered. With blood and guts, the whole deal. Actually, I rather do want to kill you. Then school would be quiet and you'd be less annoying...

Most people are also fed up with how your acting. Pushing people around isn't exactly best way to get on someone's good side. And you're already on my bad side.

Truth be told, I didn't want school to ever start. I didn't want to see you because I kind of knew things would be awkward between us. I avoided even looking at you for that very reason. But eventually I had to acknowledge your presence. But note that I never wanted to.

I never thought that you could be this horrible of a person. I'm thinking monkies have better manners then you. And monkies aren't even humans. But then again, you might not be human. Which would actually make sense considering your pig like tendencies. Can someone say 'ew'?

I hate to say this, but I was thinking of breaking up with you since about June. You and I were never going to work out for a long term relationship. You're too childish and I really couldn't deal with that. I honestly don't know how I did for so long.

So, why are you acting like you do? So you want us to get back together or something? Because I'm telling you, it will never happen. Especially now that you're acting like a fucking asshole.

So, this may be a lot for you to take in. In summary, you are a childish fucking asshole whome I'm going to fucking kill one day. Fix up your act and stop hurting my friends. You might think it's funny, but you're the only one who does. Everyone is so sick and tired of you.

Sincerly,
Me

HER.

I can do what ever I want to.
Not even SHE can stop me.

It's the way to survive

It's my drug.
My antidepressant.
It's how I get through the day.
It's how I survive.
I need it to live.

It's always him.

I love you.
I hate you.
I can't stop thinking about you.

That Guy... The one who stole my heart....

So, I've basically decided that I'm insanely in love with him. And I know he doesn't know.
The question is, do I tell him? Or just see if anything will happen (which it probably won't.)
I never even thought that I could like anyone like I like him right now. I want him to know. But I also am so afraid of rejection. And, since it is me, rejection is definitely a possibility...

Dreaming
Hoping
Waiting
Wanting
I want you to love me.
I will wait for you.
But even I can't wait forever.