Fences

If you let me I could,
I'd show you how to build your fences,
Set restrictions, separate from the world.
The constant battle that you hate to fight,
Just blame the limelight.

Don't look up
Just let them think
There's no place else
You'd rather be.

And now you can't turn back
Because this road is all you'll ever have.

And it's obvious that you're dying, dying.
Just living proof that the camera's lying.
And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night.
So smile.

Yeah, yeah you're asking for it
With every breath that you breathe in
Just breathe it in.
Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess
You do all this big talk, yeah..
So now let's see you walk it.
I said let's see you walk it.

Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess
You do all this big talk, yeah.
So now let's see you walk it.
I said let's see you walk it.

Out

Its all finally out in the open.

So...

So mom, why can't you see that this is a problem? Hiding and pretending it isn't happening won't change facts. In fact, it will just make everything worst. And things are already bad.... You're just making a bad thing worst.

Just admit it. I need help. I know it. You know it. Hell, everyone at school knows it. If you could just admit it and help me I might be able to get better.

So swallow your pride and I hope you realize soon that you can't keep pretending that I'm the perfect daughter that you want me to be.

Fail

I feel like I made a mistake talking to you. Why am I so afraid that this won't work out? Probably because nothing ever works out for me.... This is bound to fail. And, I'm sorry.

Done.

You don't understand. Hiding and ignoring the facts will not make it go away. It will only make things worst.

Memories in Black and White

I hear the whispers
Flowing through the halls
The memories of
The time I did fall
They follow me
A ghost from so long ago
I thought it was over
I guess I don't know
Where to go

I see the pictures
In my mind
How my pain is so very
One of a kind
There's no pain like it
The pain I spent
I hadn't realized
I'm still hell bent
I thought it was gone now
I guess I'm wrong now
I miss the times when
Shadows didn't follow

Burning, tearing, bringing me down
Always, darkness, following me now

Memories in black and white
Seem so far away
I guess these are the kind of things
The things that never fade
Memories in black and blue
Memories that hurt
I think of them, at least I try
Because they always burn
My Memories
In black and white
Reminders of how
I can never do things right

How Far?

How far do I have to go before I forget everything that's happened here? I don't want to remember, but I don't want to forget. Does that even make sense?

But the fact remains that I can't stay. And if I have to run away to get away, I will. Don't doubt it.

Almost

I almost want to tell you everything. I almost want to come clean and tell you that I need help, and lots of it. I want to, but I couldn't. It would ruin the fragile reality that you have about my life.

I can't stay at this school any longer. I'm actually going insane there. And the teachers aren't helping, only hurting me more. I want to transfer out of here as soon as possible. But could that happen? Mom, would you listen if I told you I wanted to go somewhere far? Would you let me go?

It would be the best thing for me, to get out of this hell-hole.

You don't Get it

You don't get it, do you. You have no idea how much I don't want to go home. You have no idea how much I want to leave. I can't stay here anymore. I can't go there either. But no. You're too busy living in your own little world to see how painful mine has become for me.

So I bite my tongue and smile through the tears. And you never look close enough so see exactly how miserable I am.

Secrets.

Secrets, secrets are no fun unless you tell everyone.

And something things are better left in the dark. So that's why I'm baffled as to why I told you. In hind sight, I probably shouldn't have. But I did, and now I can't take back my words.

"Words once spoken cannot be taken back"

Why? Why can't I just take back everything I've ever done and said. Everything has been a mistake anyways.

The worst part? More people know. They know of my inability to do anything right. They know how badly I've messed up. Why? Why do they have to know? It used to be so great. Exactly 5 people knew. I could count them all on one hand. A, C, E, M, O. Now, not so much. Too many people know. I don't even know who knows.

It was a mistake. Not a mistake to do it, but a mistake to tell people. A, F, J. They apparently know too. A figured it out. Am I that obvious? F knew, forgot, and then saw again. I need to learn to hide better. J, I broke down and told. I need a better shield.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I do need help.

Breathless

Breathless,
I can only breathe a little,
Cause my wings are spreading,
And I can’t wait to fly,
I want to be joined eternally to the sky.

Soaring high,
Freedom in the sky,
I’ll pass storms and black clouds,
But I’ll still fly,
With the wings I’ve grown,
I’m no longer alone.

The sky is big and I’m its queen
Bring me air, I can’t breathe.

Give me rain,
Pour over me,
My wings are spreading and they’ll only keep growing,
So I’ll fly higher but I may falter,
Yet when I fly and fall,

I’ll grow a stronger pair of wings.

Crescent moon, and dusty night clouds,
I’m breathless,
a little more,
I’m breathless,
take me away,

Take me away.

Fall faster, I rise and rise,
Only higher cause the sky is high.

Breathlessly I fly in the air,
With the wings I have, I’m never alone
I’m breathless.

Thanks Mom

Do you not trust that I can get from point A to point B safely? Do you think that I'd get raped halfway there? I think that I'm perfectly capable to get from New Jersey to Pennsylvania in one piece. It really isn't that difficult. But, nope. I'm incapable of being trusted and therefore cannot go by myself to my best friend's dad's funeral. Some friend I am.
So, thanks mom. Thanks for ruining my life.

SEX.

WHY THE HELL IS HE GAY?!?!
That's not fair.
Not going to lie, I'd do him.

Fair? How about not.

There you go again. Tell me I can do something then take away the thing that I wanted to do the most. How fair.
And if it was her, you would have said yes.

Sleep.

I wish I was sleeping
Then I wouldn't be awake to witness this nightmare.

Oh boy.

I like you. I like you a lot.
I want to see you. Soon.
I wish I could have seen you yesterday.
But life can never work out the way we want it to.
Oh well.
But I promise you this,
I will see you soon.

Mother...

Dear Mom,

What is it? Do you not trust me when it comes to guys? I know I'm your oldest daughter and all, but have some faith. It's not like I was going to get raped during the movies or something.

But nooo, you still wouldn't let me go. And all because you're so old fashioned. Must you meet every guy that I go to the movies with? Even though I hardly ever go to the movies, because you won't let me.

The fact is, it hurts me when you say no. Your protection isn't really protection, its more of a painful reminder of what you won't let me do.

So Mom, just let go. I don't need as much protection as you think I do. I can do anything.

Now if only I could tell you that to your face....

You can't even fathom how much I want to see you right now.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Tomorrow might just be the best day of my life. Just because I'm seeing you.

Why

Why.
That is probably the question that I ask the most.
It can be the best way to get the truth.
Or maybe the way to lie, to evade the actual answer.
I can't help but ask it.
"Why mom? Why dad?"
Why do you care?

Bad?

Is it bad that I get paranoid when you don't text me back?

Is it bad that I'm basically counting down the seconds till I see you?

Is it bad that I think I might be falling in love with you?

Seeing you

SATURDAY.
Never have I ever been more excited for the weekend. But this weekend is special, just because I get to see YOU.
You have no idea how excited I am.
I miss you.
I can't wait to see you.

Who needs normal?

I would never want to be one with the crowd.
I like to stand out
and make a scene.

Over you.

Dear You,

Just thought I'd mention that liking you was actually a waste of my time. I knew you didn't like me yet I still hoped that you might one day like me.

That was an idle hope. A wish to help me sleep at night.

I know that you wouldn't ever like me, and so I've finally moved on.

I like someone new. And, I like him more then I liked you. The best part is, I think he might like me back, which is more then I could say for you.

Beauty in the Dark

The wind is whispering
A fairytale about Sun
Some clouds are following,
They feel so free before the dawn
The darkness washes away
Deceptive masks of a glories day

You walk a lonely road,
Your soul pays heed to any sound.
Leaves rustling an ode
To rain, that's shivering around
The darkness washes away
Deceptive masks of a glories day

Dramatic shadow play
Is shown to you by swaying trees.
Step forward, don't delay
Be pleased by momentary peace
The darkness washes away
Deceptive masks of a glories day

Can you see the beauty of the dark?
Can you see the brightness of the moonlight?
Can you see the light in the sky?
Oh, can you see?
The troubles of the day now are far

Imperfection

Perfection is a myth
An impossible dream
Something to give our lives meaning
When you discover the truth in these words
Only then will you see
The real beauty of imperfection

Wishes

All I want is to kiss you in middle of the street.
On the rainiest day of the year.
Please make that happen for me.

Fuck Up.

I am a fuck up. There is no way to deny it. I cannot do anything right and therefore I am i major fuck up.

I can't even help a friend with out doing something wrong.

Why me? I can't deal with being criticized everyday. I can't deal with every bad grade I get being sent home.

Could you just tell me that I did something right? For once? For once tell me it's not my fault. I try to do the right thing, but it never works out. Instead I do something, anything. And, it's wrong.

Who even gives a shit anymore. I know I don't. And it's all thanks to you. Thanks mom for not making me care. Thanks for scaring me. Do you know that I'm terrified about coming home if I think I've gotten a bad grade? I'm scared of how you'll react. Did you know that? And, sometimes I don't even want to come home. Since I'm saying all this, I'll tell you that I want to run away sometimes. I want to run, far away from here, maybe even to another country.

Sorry. Sorry I'm such a fuck up. Sorry I can't be perfect. I'm sorry for everything.

You will see my name in the papers

I will make history.
Just watch me.
Ready or not, world, here I come.

Oh, woe is me

It's official, he doesn't like me. Instead he likes one of my best friends who happens to be 10 times prettier. Oh how lovely.

That happens way to often. I like someone, but he chooses my hotter best friend.

Do I scream freak that loudly?

I just want one guy. One guy to hold me and tell me he loves me.

Is that too much to ask for?

You actually have no idea how much I want to leave.
Leave this house.
Leave this school.
I'd love to run and leave everything behind.
I want to get away from here.
From all these memories.
I want to start over,
become a new person.
But I know I never would be able to...
I probably could never leave you.
And that's the sad part.

It's all his fault

So, I was talking to him and I decided I must know if he likes someone or not. Or if he would even answer me. He said that he didn't like anyone and then asked me if I like anyone.
I wanted to shout, "YES! I LIKE YOU!"
But I couldn't. It's just not how I am. I couldn't even ask him to the fucking homecoming dance. Fuck this. Me and my damn fear of rejection. That would be basically all I'm afraid of. Being hurt by someone I love. Being rejected my someone whom I want to love me.
That't probably why I lied and said I liked someone else. The guy that I've liked forever but nothing has ever happened because of it. Go figure. And he even knew that I liked him. He's mentioned it to me when we've talked.
But, I'd never end up with him. We hang out with two totally different groups of people in school. It probably could never work out, as much as I'd like it too.
However, I've finally moved on. But, I'm so afraid of being rejected by him that nothing will probably ever happen.
Too bad.
I wish something would.
Because I like him a lot more then I had originally planned. Now, I'm probably going to go and get my heart broken.

Dear Fucking Asshole.

Dear You,

I seriously can't believe how you're fucking acting. Which is like a god damn fucking child! Really? Grow up. Right now, no one want to be around you. And quite a few people would like to see you dead. Like actually be murdered. With blood and guts, the whole deal. Actually, I rather do want to kill you. Then school would be quiet and you'd be less annoying...

Most people are also fed up with how your acting. Pushing people around isn't exactly best way to get on someone's good side. And you're already on my bad side.

Truth be told, I didn't want school to ever start. I didn't want to see you because I kind of knew things would be awkward between us. I avoided even looking at you for that very reason. But eventually I had to acknowledge your presence. But note that I never wanted to.

I never thought that you could be this horrible of a person. I'm thinking monkies have better manners then you. And monkies aren't even humans. But then again, you might not be human. Which would actually make sense considering your pig like tendencies. Can someone say 'ew'?

I hate to say this, but I was thinking of breaking up with you since about June. You and I were never going to work out for a long term relationship. You're too childish and I really couldn't deal with that. I honestly don't know how I did for so long.

So, why are you acting like you do? So you want us to get back together or something? Because I'm telling you, it will never happen. Especially now that you're acting like a fucking asshole.

So, this may be a lot for you to take in. In summary, you are a childish fucking asshole whome I'm going to fucking kill one day. Fix up your act and stop hurting my friends. You might think it's funny, but you're the only one who does. Everyone is so sick and tired of you.

Sincerly,
Me

HER.

I can do what ever I want to.
Not even SHE can stop me.

It's the way to survive

It's my drug.
My antidepressant.
It's how I get through the day.
It's how I survive.
I need it to live.

It's always him.

I love you.
I hate you.
I can't stop thinking about you.

That Guy... The one who stole my heart....

So, I've basically decided that I'm insanely in love with him. And I know he doesn't know.
The question is, do I tell him? Or just see if anything will happen (which it probably won't.)
I never even thought that I could like anyone like I like him right now. I want him to know. But I also am so afraid of rejection. And, since it is me, rejection is definitely a possibility...

Dreaming
Hoping
Waiting
Wanting
I want you to love me.
I will wait for you.
But even I can't wait forever.

Waiting, for what is the question.

Searching through the skies, 


For an answer to life. 


Grabbing truths from the air, 


Even though people stare.

I wish on a star, 


When life gets hard. 


Take me away, 


Tell me it will be okay.

I’m waiting for the moment

When every question gets answered. 


Waiting for the moment


When every dream comes true. 


I’m waiting for the moment, 


When the worst part is through.

The rain falls from the sky, 


Washes away the lies, 


And reveals the truth, the pain, 


But it’s all the same, 


And we can’t wait for another rain.

Still we laugh, we trust. 


Maybe we trust too much. 


Laughter is the cure, 


But we’re all still sick, 


Even if we don’t know it

The sky is dark, there is no light. 


The moon has left us for tonight, 


But no one seems to care


Why the moon isn’t there. 


Is it fed up with this world too?